Soccer Spotting

AMERICANS WEARING SOCCER JERSEYS and other examples of MEMORABILIA IN PUBLIC
Photo subject: Classicist, Humanities major, Skilled debater   Where to find him: Memorizing Cicero’s “On the Republic,” pointing out rhetorical fallacies during drunken arguments outside his dorm room, Studying abroad second-semester junior year, Posting too many architecture-themed Facebook albums Team: AS Roma, three-time Serie A champions and nine-time Coppa Italia winners. The club’s crest features the famous Capitoline Wolf bronze sculpture of Romulus, Remus and their she-wolf foster mother. Captain Francesco Totti, who has spent his entire career with Roma, is Serie A’s active scoring leader and fifth all-time with 207 goals. American connection(s): New owner Thomas DiBenedetto was born in Boston. The four-man investing team DiBenedetto AS Roma LLC, the formal subsidiary that took over the club in April, includes three other Americans and is incorporated in Delaware. DiBenedetto also owns a minority share of the Red Sox. With his purchase, DiBenedetto fulfilled every Italian-American’s dream of connecting with his roots. Now, instead of hanging a cornicello from his rearview mirror, eating muzzarel and talking about his great-grandma’s red sauce and sixth-cousin-twice-removed’s farm in Campania, DiBenedetto owns one of Italy’s most popular clubs. 

Photo subject: Classicist, Humanities major, Skilled debater  

Where to find him: Memorizing Cicero’s “On the Republic,” pointing out rhetorical fallacies during drunken arguments outside his dorm room, Studying abroad second-semester junior year, Posting too many architecture-themed Facebook albums

Team: AS Roma, three-time Serie A champions and nine-time Coppa Italia winners. The club’s crest features the famous Capitoline Wolf bronze sculpture of Romulus, Remus and their she-wolf foster mother. Captain Francesco Totti, who has spent his entire career with Roma, is Serie A’s active scoring leader and fifth all-time with 207 goals.

American connection(s): New owner Thomas DiBenedetto was born in Boston. The four-man investing team DiBenedetto AS Roma LLC, the formal subsidiary that took over the club in April, includes three other Americans and is incorporated in Delaware. DiBenedetto also owns a minority share of the Red Sox.

With his purchase, DiBenedetto fulfilled every Italian-American’s dream of connecting with his roots. Now, instead of hanging a cornicello from his rearview mirror, eating muzzarel and talking about his great-grandma’s red sauce and sixth-cousin-twice-removed’s farm in Campania, DiBenedetto owns one of Italy’s most popular clubs. 

AMERICAN CELEBRITIES WEARING SOCCER JERSEYS of the WEEK Photo subjects: Chaste, Precocious, Desired — Basically the opposite of the owner of the club they support  Where to find them: Smiling at you from third-graders’ backpacks, Gently nudging said third-graders toward puberty, Accepting surfboards/astronaut statues/tubs of slime on stage at various cable television award shows, Wherever they want  Team: AC Milan, Italian prime minister/media mogul/world class dirtbag Silvio Berlusconi’s defending Serie A champions. Milan has won the second-most domestic titles in Italy and is tied with Boca Juniors for most international trophies with 18.  American connection: In 2009, Milan signed giant American center back Oguchi Onyewu. Unfortunately plagued by injuries, Onyewu never made a league appearance for the team but admirably signed a one-year unpaid contract extension (he has since moved to Sporting Clube de Portugal). Desperate to compete globally with other famed clubs like Manchester United and Barcelona, the team has employed Warner Brothers to license its logo and bolster the club’s worldwide notoriety. Berlusconi and company specifically aim for a bigger presence in the US market and play exhibition games in America each summer. 

AMERICAN CELEBRITIES WEARING SOCCER JERSEYS of the WEEK

Photo subjects: Chaste, Precocious, Desired — Basically the opposite of the owner of the club they support 

Where to find them: Smiling at you from third-graders’ backpacks, Gently nudging said third-graders toward puberty, Accepting surfboards/astronaut statues/tubs of slime on stage at various cable television award shows, Wherever they want 

Team: AC Milan, Italian prime minister/media mogul/world class dirtbag Silvio Berlusconi’s defending Serie A champions. Milan has won the second-most domestic titles in Italy and is tied with Boca Juniors for most international trophies with 18. 

American connection: In 2009, Milan signed giant American center back Oguchi Onyewu. Unfortunately plagued by injuries, Onyewu never made a league appearance for the team but admirably signed a one-year unpaid contract extension (he has since moved to Sporting Clube de Portugal).

Desperate to compete globally with other famed clubs like Manchester United and Barcelona, the team has employed Warner Brothers to license its logo and bolster the club’s worldwide notoriety. Berlusconi and company specifically aim for a bigger presence in the US market and play exhibition games in America each summer. 

Photo Subject: In brief: Knows he’s free Won’t forget the men who died who gave that right to him  Will gladly stand up next you and defend her still today  There ain’t no doubt he loves this land.  Where to find him: Supporting Our Troops, County Fairs, Shopping for bumper stickers Team: US Men’s National Team, the last American underdog. Our subject models the 2009 Confederations Cup runners up edition jersey.  Player represented: Exciting striker Charlie Davies, a promising talent whose career was stalled by a serious car accident in 2009 that forced him to miss the 2010 World Cup. Davies plays for DC United.  American connection: Davies scored the first goal in the USA’s 3-0 win over Egypt in the Confederations Cup. The surprising margin of victory allowed the US to advance to the knockout round based on goal differential. The Yanks then took down Spain in the semifinals before finishing second to Brazil. 

Photo Subject: In brief:

  • Knows he’s free
  • Won’t forget the men who died who gave that right to him 
  • Will gladly stand up next you and defend her still today 
  • There ain’t no doubt he loves this land. 

Where to find him: Supporting Our Troops, County Fairs, Shopping for bumper stickers

Team: US Men’s National Team, the last American underdog. Our subject models the 2009 Confederations Cup runners up edition jersey. 

Player represented: Exciting striker Charlie Davies, a promising talent whose career was stalled by a serious car accident in 2009 that forced him to miss the 2010 World Cup. Davies plays for DC United. 

American connection: Davies scored the first goal in the USA’s 3-0 win over Egypt in the Confederations Cup. The surprising margin of victory allowed the US to advance to the knockout round based on goal differential. The Yanks then took down Spain in the semifinals before finishing second to Brazil. 

Photo subjects: Possibly the current Arsenal midfield. See previous Arsenal analysis. Where to find them:  In bed by 9 pm, Learning multiplication tables between practices at the Arsenal training compound/daycare Team: Arsenal youth brigade, admirable for their commitment to developing young talent instead of stocking up on established guns-for-hire (Like other top tier EPL clubs Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United) American connection: Arsenal runs U16 and U18 clubs in the United States Soccer Development Academy, which compete against independent clubs as well as MLS youth academy teams. Someday soon, the club will scoop up young Americans — perhaps the Downey trio — and plug them immediately into the first team. 

Photo subjects: Possibly the current Arsenal midfield. See previous Arsenal analysis.

Where to find them:  In bed by 9 pm, Learning multiplication tables between practices at the Arsenal training compound/daycare

Team: Arsenal youth brigade, admirable for their commitment to developing young talent instead of stocking up on established guns-for-hire (Like other top tier EPL clubs Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United)

American connection: Arsenal runs U16 and U18 clubs in the United States Soccer Development Academy, which compete against independent clubs as well as MLS youth academy teams. Someday soon, the club will scoop up young Americans — perhaps the Downey trio — and plug them immediately into the first team. 

Photo subject: Comfortable nouveau riche, chilling out and settling into the good life.  Where to find him: Audi dealerships, Bidding on tapestries at Christie’s, Jet-setting to the Caymans (on a whim), Comparing different types of wood flooring for his Jackson Hole ski lodge-inspired, rustic getaway, Showing friends the new things he bought inside his four-car garage, On a yacht Team: Manchester City, former working-class club with modest domestic and continental succes before Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed bin Sultan of the United Arab Emirates bought the club and sunk an unparalleled amount of oil money into the roster. City has since snatched up a Who’s Who of international talent led by Argentina’s Carlos Tevez and recent signing Kun Aguero, Spain’s David Silva, France’s Samir Nasri, Ivory Coast’s Toure brothers, Italy’s Mario Balotelli, Holland’s Nigel de Jong and England’s young stars Joe Hart, James Milner and Adam Johnson. The stacked City is the reigning FA Cup champ and a 2011-12 Champions League participant.  American connection(s): Former US captain Claudio Reyna, who earned 111 caps over twelve years, played for Man City from 2003-2007. Although the New Jersey native was named to the 2002 World Cup Team of the Tournament, he would have a tough time cracking the Broken Social Scene of English football.   

Photo subject: Comfortable nouveau riche, chilling out and settling into the good life. 

Where to find him: Audi dealerships, Bidding on tapestries at Christie’s, Jet-setting to the Caymans (on a whim), Comparing different types of wood flooring for his Jackson Hole ski lodge-inspired, rustic getaway, Showing friends the new things he bought inside his four-car garage, On a yacht

Team: Manchester City, former working-class club with modest domestic and continental succes before Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed bin Sultan of the United Arab Emirates bought the club and sunk an unparalleled amount of oil money into the roster. City has since snatched up a Who’s Who of international talent led by Argentina’s Carlos Tevez and recent signing Kun Aguero, Spain’s David Silva, France’s Samir Nasri, Ivory Coast’s Toure brothers, Italy’s Mario Balotelli, Holland’s Nigel de Jong and England’s young stars Joe Hart, James Milner and Adam Johnson. The stacked City is the reigning FA Cup champ and a 2011-12 Champions League participant. 

American connection(s): Former US captain Claudio Reyna, who earned 111 caps over twelve years, played for Man City from 2003-2007. Although the New Jersey native was named to the 2002 World Cup Team of the Tournament, he would have a tough time cracking the Broken Social Scene of English football.   

Photo subject: Efficient, motivated. “No time for photo portraits. Check back when my schedule opens up.” Where to find him: At work, Arranging slacks chromatically inside his walk-in closet, Crossing off tasks in his planner, Vacationing with his cell phone on in the South of Spain Team: The German National Team, Die Mannschaft, three-time winners of both the World Cup and the European Championship. Germany has also finished second in the World Cup four times and third another four times, which means they have reached the semifinals in 11 of the 19 World Cups.  American connection: Germany beat the US 1-0 in the quarterfinals of the 2002 World Cup, though the Americans dominated time of possession, shots and shots on goal. The crushing defeat ended the Americans’ surprise run to the round of 8.   US Men’s National Team coach Jurgen Klinsmann was a star striker for Germany, earning 108 caps and scoring 47 goals for his country, including eleven in three different World Cups. He also led Germany to the semifinals of the 2006 World Cup, where they finished third on home soil. 

Photo subject: Efficient, motivated. “No time for photo portraits. Check back when my schedule opens up.”

Where to find him: At work, Arranging slacks chromatically inside his walk-in closet, Crossing off tasks in his planner, Vacationing with his cell phone on in the South of Spain

Team: The German National Team, Die Mannschaft, three-time winners of both the World Cup and the European Championship. Germany has also finished second in the World Cup four times and third another four times, which means they have reached the semifinals in 11 of the 19 World Cups. 

American connection: Germany beat the US 1-0 in the quarterfinals of the 2002 World Cup, though the Americans dominated time of possession, shots and shots on goal. The crushing defeat ended the Americans’ surprise run to the round of 8.  

US Men’s National Team coach Jurgen Klinsmann was a star striker for Germany, earning 108 caps and scoring 47 goals for his country, including eleven in three different World Cups. He also led Germany to the semifinals of the 2006 World Cup, where they finished third on home soil. 

AMERICAN CELEB WEARING A SOCCER JERSEY of the WEEK Photo subject: Comedy empire Where to find him: Making Jimmy Fallon giggle on Saturday Night Live Best-Of DVDs, Judd Apatow joints, Adam McKay things, Sports films, Television shows in need of an energy/ratings boost, Marathons Team: Soccer empire. British big spenders Chelsea, owned by shady Russian billionaire/Vladimir Putin pet Roman Abramovich. This week, the Blues plucked Valencia left-winger and Spanish international Juan Mata from Valencia and added him to their international dream team.  Formerly known for its white supremacist hooligan fans, Chelsea is now one of the world’s poshest teams.  American connection(s): Chelsea’s home stadium of Stamford Bridge hosted the London Monarchs, a charter member of NFL Europe, in 1997.  Celebrity fan Will Ferrell did the decade’s best George W. Bush impression. After years perfecting his Dubya on Saturday Night Live, Ferrell cowrote and starred in the play “You’re Welcome America. A Final Night with George W. Bush,” which earned a Tony nomination.

AMERICAN CELEB WEARING A SOCCER JERSEY of the WEEK

Photo subject: Comedy empire

Where to find him: Making Jimmy Fallon giggle on Saturday Night Live Best-Of DVDs, Judd Apatow joints, Adam McKay things, Sports films, Television shows in need of an energy/ratings boost, Marathons

Team: Soccer empire. British big spenders Chelsea, owned by shady Russian billionaire/Vladimir Putin pet Roman Abramovich. This week, the Blues plucked Valencia left-winger and Spanish international Juan Mata from Valencia and added him to their international dream team. 

Formerly known for its white supremacist hooligan fans, Chelsea is now one of the world’s poshest teams. 

American connection(s): Chelsea’s home stadium of Stamford Bridge hosted the London Monarchs, a charter member of NFL Europe, in 1997. 

Celebrity fan Will Ferrell did the decade’s best George W. Bush impression. After years perfecting his Dubya on Saturday Night Live, Ferrell cowrote and starred in the play “You’re Welcome America. A Final Night with George W. Bush,” which earned a Tony nomination.

Photo subject: Fun  Where to find him: Happy Hour in Hoboken, The Jersey Shore, Six Flags in Jackson, Atlantic City, On a boat Team: New York Red Bulls, the Harrison, NJ-based team that is consistently able to sign major — though past their prime — international talent but consistently unable to win an MLS Cup championship.  American connection(s): Formerly called the MetroStars, the Red Bulls are a founding member of Major League Soccer. Since the league’s first season in 1996, the club has been the league’s Ellis Island for former European and South American stars. Italian midfielder Roberto Donadoni, Germany’s all-time caps leader Lothar Matthaus, Colombian strikers Adolfo Valencia and Juan Pablo Angel and French World Cup winner Youri Djorkaeff have spent at least one season with the club. Most recently, the team added France’s all time goal-scoring leader Thierry Henry and Mexican captain Rafa Marquez. 

Photo subject: Fun 

Where to find him: Happy Hour in Hoboken, The Jersey Shore, Six Flags in Jackson, Atlantic City, On a boat

Team: New York Red Bulls, the Harrison, NJ-based team that is consistently able to sign major — though past their prime — international talent but consistently unable to win an MLS Cup championship. 

American connection(s): Formerly called the MetroStars, the Red Bulls are a founding member of Major League Soccer. Since the league’s first season in 1996, the club has been the league’s Ellis Island for former European and South American stars. Italian midfielder Roberto Donadoni, Germany’s all-time caps leader Lothar Matthaus, Colombian strikers Adolfo Valencia and Juan Pablo Angel and French World Cup winner Youri Djorkaeff have spent at least one season with the club. Most recently, the team added France’s all time goal-scoring leader Thierry Henry and Mexican captain Rafa Marquez. 

Photo subject: Refreshingly worldly, fiery, energetic. When a stodgy, corporate atmosphere pervades your event, call on this brash lad to infuse it with unpredictability and excitement. Where to find him: Enlivening cynical, nearly comatose suits at a business function, Oozing masculine mystery while seducing women with a rose and a wink on the dance floor, giddily jeering River Plate fans inside a Buenos Aires bar. Team: Boca Juniors, winner of 23 Argentine league titles and a world record — shared with AC Milan — 18 international trophies. The powerhouse controls the all-time series against their eternal rival, fellow Buenos Aires outfit River Plate, with 121 wins, 105 losses and 101 ties.  Boca Juniors also recorded a major schadenfreude victory when River Plate, which has won more Argentine championships than any club, was relegated to the second division at the end of last season. American connection(s):  Boca Juniors is considering sponsoring an MLS expansion team similar to Guadalajara’s Chivas USA club that plays in Los Angeles. Whether it forms a northern club or not, Los Xeneizes are admittedly eager to tap into the growing United States soccer market so be on the look out for more blue and gold kits.  

Photo subject: Refreshingly worldly, fiery, energetic. When a stodgy, corporate atmosphere pervades your event, call on this brash lad to infuse it with unpredictability and excitement.

Where to find him: Enlivening cynical, nearly comatose suits at a business function, Oozing masculine mystery while seducing women with a rose and a wink on the dance floor, giddily jeering River Plate fans inside a Buenos Aires bar.

Team: Boca Juniors, winner of 23 Argentine league titles and a world record — shared with AC Milan — 18 international trophies. The powerhouse controls the all-time series against their eternal rival, fellow Buenos Aires outfit River Plate, with 121 wins, 105 losses and 101 ties. 

Boca Juniors also recorded a major schadenfreude victory when River Plate, which has won more Argentine championships than any club, was relegated to the second division at the end of last season.

American connection(s):  Boca Juniors is considering sponsoring an MLS expansion team similar to Guadalajara’s Chivas USA club that plays in Los Angeles. Whether it forms a northern club or not, Los Xeneizes are admittedly eager to tap into the growing United States soccer market so be on the look out for more blue and gold kits.  

Photo subject: Optimistic, Perseverant, Fun to be around, Innovative, Tall, Able to put events in perspective and say positive things like, “This downpour will only make a great music festival more memorable and exciting!” or “Sure, we lost the World Cup Final in overtime, but we had a wonderful month-long run!” Where to find him:  On a paint can, Holding down the defense, handling center-midfield duties and sending a cross into the box from the right flank in one ten-minute stretch, Splitting the check with his date at a moderately priced restaurant, Chilling out while bemusedly pondering American social mores at a cafe in Amsterdam, Resolutely jamming his finger in a porous dike to prevent a flood Team: The Netherlands, three-time World Cup Finals runner up (1974, 1978 and 2010). Most recently, Holland lost the 2010 championship to Spain after Andres Iniesta broke a scoreless tie in the 116th minute. Despite fielding some of the best and most inventive players of all time, including Johan Cruyff, Marco van Basten and Ruud Gullit, “Clockwork Orange” has never won a World Cup and has only once won the European Championship (1988).  Nevertheless, the Netherlands has long been an influential side known for nurturing players’ creativity. Their greatest contribution was the 1970s concept of Total Football, a positionless tactic in which each field player (not the goalie) is capable of and encouraged to play wherever the moment requires him. When one player shifts his position, a teammate fluidly fills in at his previous spot. The team that successfully employs the strategy molds itself into a well rounded and unpredictable opponent.   American connection(s): Before it was called New York City, the center of the world was known as New Amsterdam, capital of New Netherland (a large territory that included parts of NJ, NY, DE, PA, CT and RI). From 1625 to 1674, the Dutch colonized and controlled Manhattan until the British won a series of Dutch-Anglo Wars, claimed the region and renamed the city.  Many familiar locations, such as Staten Island, Stuyvesant, the Bowery, Coney Island and Harlem, got their names during the 17th Century Dutch presence.  Today, Amsterdam is a Must Visit for American study-abroad students who want to smoke weed, ogle gorgeous prostitutes and later brag about smoking weed and ogling gorgeous prostitutes.

Photo subject: Optimistic, Perseverant, Fun to be around, Innovative, Tall, Able to put events in perspective and say positive things like, “This downpour will only make a great music festival more memorable and exciting!” or “Sure, we lost the World Cup Final in overtime, but we had a wonderful month-long run!”

Where to find him:  On a paint can, Holding down the defense, handling center-midfield duties and sending a cross into the box from the right flank in one ten-minute stretch, Splitting the check with his date at a moderately priced restaurant, Chilling out while bemusedly pondering American social mores at a cafe in Amsterdam, Resolutely jamming his finger in a porous dike to prevent a flood

Team: The Netherlands, three-time World Cup Finals runner up (1974, 1978 and 2010). Most recently, Holland lost the 2010 championship to Spain after Andres Iniesta broke a scoreless tie in the 116th minute. Despite fielding some of the best and most inventive players of all time, including Johan Cruyff, Marco van Basten and Ruud Gullit, “Clockwork Orange” has never won a World Cup and has only once won the European Championship (1988). 

Nevertheless, the Netherlands has long been an influential side known for nurturing players’ creativity. Their greatest contribution was the 1970s concept of Total Football, a positionless tactic in which each field player (not the goalie) is capable of and encouraged to play wherever the moment requires him. When one player shifts his position, a teammate fluidly fills in at his previous spot. The team that successfully employs the strategy molds itself into a well rounded and unpredictable opponent.  

American connection(s): Before it was called New York City, the center of the world was known as New Amsterdam, capital of New Netherland (a large territory that included parts of NJ, NY, DE, PA, CT and RI). From 1625 to 1674, the Dutch colonized and controlled Manhattan until the British won a series of Dutch-Anglo Wars, claimed the region and renamed the city.  Many familiar locations, such as Staten Island, Stuyvesant, the Bowery, Coney Island and Harlem, got their names during the 17th Century Dutch presence. 

Today, Amsterdam is a Must Visit for American study-abroad students who want to smoke weed, ogle gorgeous prostitutes and later brag about smoking weed and ogling gorgeous prostitutes.